In a world that's fast-paced and with many of our interactions now primarily digital, the power of an authentic compliment is often underestimated. Compliments aren't just simple remarks--they're a form of social glue that keeps our relationships intact, fosters overall positivity and wellness, and benefits both the person giving and the person receiving the praise. Mastering the art of the stellar compliment isn't just about being polite, it's about choosing to actively contribute to an environment of support and good feelings all around.
The Science of Compliments
Research shows that when we receive a compliment, we experience the same sensation as we do when we receive cash; both satisfy the same reward circuits in the brain, highlighting the intensity of the global importance of receiving social rewards. Compliments not only have immediate effects, improving mood and creating social bonds; they also have long-term impacts, helping to improve overall performance and motivation.
And the benefits of complimenting others extend to the person offering the praise as well. Generally, giving compliments is experienced as a form of happiness and release from discomfort or emotional pain. And when you learn how to give a good compliment, it's a long-term investment that will help you in every future relationship as well.
How To Give a Genuine Compliment
What's the key to a good compliment? It must be genuine. And when a compliment is genuine, it also speaks to who we are and must be very specific to the person and his/her actions or qualities. Here's how to craft a compliment that will make a difference:
Personalize It and Make it Popular
Make sure that your compliment is tailored toward the person’s interests, values or goals, but use ‘popular’ compliments that most people respond well to. Try saying, “You have a way of making everyone feel comfortable and valued,” which focuses on their interest of being the social coordinator or someone of importance.
Emphasize Hard Work and Achievements
If someone is working incredibly hard, say something like, “The dedication you have to your goals is inspiring,” which will provide more motivation to keep up the good work.
Timing Is Everything
A compliment given as soon as someone displays the behavior is far more effective than one given a week later. Saying, “Your presentation today was incredibly persuasive and engaging,” will be taken far more genuinely than if you say it a week from now.
Make Your Compliment Personal and Popular
Acknowledge what is universally admired about the recipient as a way of showing deeper appreciation. For example, “I admire how you balance kindness and assertiveness; it’s something many strive for but few achieve.”
The Language of Compliments
Using the right words to compliment someone is very important. It should sound warm and real. “Your creativity is contagious; you bring out the best in all of us.” is a perfect combination of clarity that lifts others higher without a left-handed compliment.
Harness the Power of Accepting Compliments
It’s amazing how the simple act of saying “Thank you” and accepting a compliment graciously can magnify the positive impact of the compliment. The next time a compliment is coming your way, let it in and say “Thank you, I’m glad you think so.”
This is How Compliments Translate in Different Setting
Complimenting can differ wildly across the many contexts of our lives. In professional settings, it makes sense to highlight skills and contributions. In personal relationships, comments like “I rely on you for your taste. You always know how to make me laugh,” or “Your perspective on things is always so refreshing.” are bound-bonding ways to offer admiration.
Creating a Culture of Complimenting
If you’re leading a team or company, it’s important to create a culture for everyone to feel seen with their efforts recognized and praised. Here are a few tips to encourage compliment culture in the workplace:
Lead by the popular example: Use and encourage sincere and popular compliments generously.
Encourage reciprocity: Encourage an environment where recognizing each other's strengths publicly is common.
Celebrate small wins: Make acknowledging even the tiniest of achievements the standard.
The Ripple Effect of Kind Words
The boomerang effect of a really warm compliment in an office or group of friends can transform group dynamics and create an environment where people are nicer and more appreciative of one another – because it’s normal.
Takeaway
Complimenting is a skill that can be mastered. In particular, it’s about learning to better identify and articulate the value in others. The next time you want to pay someone a compliment, think of something they’re good at (the more specific the better), tell them and also consider telling someone else. This not only boosts the person being complimented, it also creates an environment where nice, positive things are being said about people.
We make the choice to speak out of love and respect or with disrespect and hate. Kind words are not weak words and there’s no need to soften them.
Let’s use kind words to demonstrate the value we see in others and in doing so support a world where kind words are the norm.